Crumbling Teeth

"I felt them rattling and rustling around in my mouth.

My back teeth and side teeth were crumbling into my hand. 

As they fell, I started to choke because of how many there were.

I then looked into the mirror and smiled and my face and head were swollen with a scrunched up mouth.

As I smiled, I noticed that I only had 4 top teeth left and just a couple of bottom ones.

I remember thinking that I cant eat crisps or steak again.

I went to the dentist and they showed me some false teeth that had nails sticking out to stick into my gum.

When I left I didn't know where I was.

I went to the dock where several dingy's were floating around. I decided to try my look and use one to get home on the murky stream.

When I approached the stream it disappeared and all that was left was wet mud and lots of it."

Dreaming that your teeth fall out, or rot away may be rooted to your fear of being embarrassed. The dream is an exaggeration of your worries.

The dream may also symbolize powerlessness. Perhaps you are living through a situation where you have little influence or control. Perhaps the dream is an indication that you need to be more assertive.

This makes a lot of sense since I'm taking a big step in life and starting a youngsters drama group. I've never really been a leader, more a follower so HUGE changes ahead.

The murky waters and feeling lost is because I suffer with depression. My child has ADHD, plus a genetic chromosome disorder. We are struggling with his behaviour at the moment and yesterday was a day of meltdown after meltdown. I just wanted to hide and cry because I just felt so useless.

Main dream meaning:

# Feeling embarrassed

# Be more assertive

# Feeling Sad

# Feeling Lost

Gemma Cheetham x

Vertigo

"I was in Drama class. We were stood in a semi-circle, saying who we were and our profession. I was the last one to go but the tutor skipped me and when I tried to speak up more people arrived so I was snuffed out.

 It was break time. I went to go downstairs but the stairs were missing. I started to climb down the wall and noticed that they were all rotten, decayed with mud splats and peeling paint. I heard screams coming from inside the walls. There were some hooks on the wall and every time one fell out I heard a man shouting in despair.

 I made it to my next class but was 1 hour late and I started to shout at the tutor. 

We then left into a crowded airport. No seats were available. There were separate rooms with private seating for the rich folk but lower class people had stole them. One barricaded the door with a super morbidly obese woman and could see all her belly fat spreading across the glass door window. 

People were sitting on the escalators going up and down whilst they waited to escape.

I went back into a shopping centre and noticed the lifts were not working so people were been lowered down levels with a rope and a seat made of leather.

When I turned around I could see some stairs but the sides were made of glass so I knew unless I  crawled down them I wouldn't be able to use them. I went to the edge of a rail and closed my eyes so that I didn't look down and then I was on the bottom leave.

There was a balloon lift that could take 1 person at a time to the next level. As it went up I crawled my way past it and ran to the nearest exit.

I was then outside in a busy holiday place by the beach and sea. I went inside the cafe with Jake* but he got up and ran outside and as I ran after him I stood in the doorway and typed something.

In front of me a giant American monument appeared singing the 'Star spangled banner' tune. I typed something else and a British monument appeared singing 'god save the queen'.

There was an explosion plume but no sound and they disappeared.

I headed to the beach but as I came to walk on the pier I was stopped by a man that was shouting to a crowd of people "do not panic"

As I looked on the pier, people were running screaming and the sea was wild and murky, the clouds were grey and the winds were picking up" 

Never in my life am I eating cream before bed. 

I don't know about anybody else but I have noticed my dreams are more vivid if I have any type of dairy before bed. 

Cheese is the worst, gives me nightmares.

Some of this dream I have no idea what it was about but I no what a few points are.

Lifts, stairways etc. are my fears of heights. 

I suffer with severe vertigo and get dizzy just looking at a stairwell.

The not been heard and people screaming shows that I want to speak up but I can never quite get my word in. I always want to speak but find it better to communicate via a computer.

I must be feeling down with the colour and motion of the waves and skies.

Been surrounded by loads of people is showing I'm claustrophobic. I feel I get lost in a crowd very easily because I'm quiet.

The fat woman on the window was something silly.

 I simply had a slice of cream cake before bed and instantly jumped on the scales thinking I had gained about 1 stone which is why i saw a morbidly obese woman.

Main dream meanings

> Wanting to be heard

> Feeling down

> Feeling scared

> Body image issues

Gemma Cheetham x

Maze

"I was lost in a maze that was floating in the sky and I was been chased.

I jump off trying to escape.

I flap my wings but as I start flying I loose power and begin to fall through several floors of a burnt out old mansion.

As I hit the last level, I fell through the fog and silently screamed."

So where to start.....

Well I've just started a new venture and joined a management team for a community drama group so maybe I'm afraid of failing and loosing my way...

Could also be diet related.
Since 2009 ive lost nearly 5st.
I feel lighter, which could be the floating, but I know that if a eat crap I will binge and gain weight. That could be the falling.

Silently screaming is easy peasy.
I always dream of Silently screaming when I feel that I'm been ignored verbally.

The fog and maze definatly suggests I've lost my way or that I'm confused about a situation.

Main dream meaning

● Feeling confused, lost

● Feeling as though no one is listening

● Afraid of failing

● Trying to escape from something

Gemma Cheetham x

Pregnancy

"I had twin girls hope and faith

I hadn't  told Phantom* about them. I went to the shop and when I got back in I fell asleep. I woke up but the babies were missing. I asked Phantom* but says don't no an why didn't I tell him I'd had a baby. I said I've had twin girls which means we have x2 boys x2 girls. I went looking and saw Phantom* had tidied where they were laid. 

I found them shoved in toy box. Phantom* thought they were dolls. They were dead so I had to give them mouth to mouth 

I brought them back an went out shopping with two prams.

We bumped into some vampires who turned us all in to vampires an I was drinking blood."

Name changes*

So back to reality....

Let's get one thing straight here.

Dreaming of pregnancy doesn't necessarily mean that your pregnant. In fact your probably 70% not pregnant.
It could be a sign of hoping to be pregnant or wanting to be pregnant or scared of being pregnant.
It's also a sign that some aspect of your life is growing and developing.

Mine is definatly that I'm terrified of getting pregnant and that my babies die again. 

I'd love to have a little girl but with the risk of passing on a potentially fatal chromosome disoder I figured it is for the best that we don't have more kids.

I already have 2 beautiful healthy boys who are my world. 

Some people don't have that so I count my lucky stars I have them.

Dreaming of Vampires has several meanings.
In my case, I tend to dream about them when I feel physically or emotionally drained from continuous appointments and/or illness . This is portrayed from the vampires drinking my blood.

Main dream meanings

● Feeling emotionally and physically drained.

● Fear of falling pregnant

● Fear of babies dying

Gemma Cheetham x

Frozen

"There was ice lots of ice and I was trying to fight these tiny creature's before they bit me. I go outside and everybody is frozen like time is standing still."

Even though I had little creatures coming at me, biting me, I think this was still an interpretation as a happy dream because I wanted to freeze the moment forever.

Maybe trying to stop the creatures biting me is a metaphor of trying to stop people attacking or feel like I'm been attacked.....but then it wouldn't make sense as to why I would want to freeze that moment.....

I also think I went to sleep feeling  very cold as it was a very icy dream.

Gemma Cheetham x

Desire

*WARNING INTIMATE WRITING*

"I was going to see Craig* and Lacy* but Lacy* got very obsessive and paranoid that Craig* was leaving her for me. 

So she got a meat cleaver and sliced Craig* across the chest with it. 

Then they started chasing each other with meat cleavers so I ran upstairs to hide. 

Next thing I know I'm downstairs looking around wondering why it was silent. I go upstairs and see them having a 3 way with my corpse.

I then flash to been in Bath an Phantom* is going down on me but then goes to wash his mouth out. 

A pipe had come out the wall from a water fountain and water was leaking so Phantom* fixed it.

I had yellow scum on my legs I was trying to wash off. 

I was then checking into prison where Craig* and Lacy* was and saw them sat at a table. 

Craig* started walking towards a garden so I used my pass key an we sat on a bench an just talked an I was asking if he was ok when some women I knew from school started ganging up on me saying Lacy* had sent them. 

I told them to stay out of it an stay away from Lacy*. 

They got all up in my face so I left to find Lacy*.

I reassured Lacy* that feelings were just friendly and she was more than welcome to come sit with us.

Craig* started having a go at Lacy* and told her to back off and that he didn't want to do it anymore.  

Lacy* was then in the prison kitchen with me with a faulty boiler and she was telling me to stand in front of it after she had filled it up water so that the hot metal would hit me as it exploded."

* NAME CHANGES 

As you can see my dreams can be a teensy bit disturbing.

Me and my partner haven't been intamite for a while because I have massive body image issues.
I constantly feel like I look like shit and feel discusting because of how I have ruined my body from yo yo dieting.

The water was murky so again sadness from body image issues.

I feel sometimes jealous girlfriends get bitter when I talk to their partners.

I will put one thing straight. If you think i "fancy" "like" your partner etc. then you be wrong.
I just dont get on with a lot of women and feel more comfortable talking to men because im far from a femanine character.

This particular couple the girlfriend seemed like a nut job to me and I was scared for his safety at times.
I get the feeling that craig needs to let off some steam and talk to somebody so that's the bench scenario.

The girls from school, I have dreams about these when I'm scared.
They made my life shit from day one of me going their and I ended up trying to end my life on one occasion because no one would help me. Even the head teacher slammed the door on my face.

Eventually my mum took me out of school and I started college early.

So main points of the dream...

● Sex withdrawal

● Body image issues

● Fear

Gemma Cheetham x

Stage Fright

" I could control my dreams.

I closed my eyes and imagined walking through a door and I'm on a beach that's lovely and sunny but then it starts to rain and I'm running on sand but sinking into it and sky is dark, the water mucky and everything is disintegrating around me.

I see a house been torn up  and strewn across the place and Im stood opening my eyes, telling myself now was the time to wake up.

 

Everything suddenly went white and I awoke back to reality very shaky and palpations.

I then fell back to sleep and I was going on stage but I was in a wheel chair. 

When I got there the costume designers were saying I was too fat to wear anything so I had to make do with my modern dress up. 

I drove the wheelchair to bottom of a steep staircase and could see a full house through the gap in the curtain. 

Above the staircase the ceiling was painted like a sunny day. 

I try to climb the stairs but fall back down them as I slip on some artwork but as I fall I feel like I'm floating and land on my two feet an slouch into my chair and instead I go round back of audience squeezing through tight spaces."

Anxiety is a big part of my life as you can probably tell with a lot of my Dreamscape blog, from past and future posts.

The nice sunny beach scenery turning into a dark gloomy situation where I'm trying to run but sinking into the sand shows that maybe I was peaceful but then something upset me and made me feel down and teary and angry. 

Water particularly shows emotion. when the waters are calm and clear or light coloured then this is a peaceful happy sign.  Dark, murky, muddy water with crashing waves or drowing and also thunder storms with heavy rain shows some serious emotion.

I get these dreams alot because i hate to cry infront of people and hold my emotions in. My self conscious lets my emotions out whilst im sleeping, otherwise head go BOOM!

I work as an actress and even though I enjoy what I do, I still get nervous when it's my time to go on stage.
The second part of the dream mentions about costumes fitting. This is a big self image confidence issue I have.
I have suffered with eating disorders in the past and I'm always scared I won't fit into my costumes or that I won't look as good as the other members of the cast.

The "falling on the artwork" is showing that I feel I'm failing at the artistic side of performing arts.
Seeing the sunny scenery, up the stairs, then falling by floating and landing on my feet is reassuring me that even if I fail at something I feel that I'm good at, I will land back on my feet or someone will be there to catch me, which is why I sat back in the wheelchair.

Gemma Cheetham x

Overcoming the loss of my 2nd baby.

" I was told that my baby was going to die and I  was given a choice to spend one day with him.

In that day my baby grew up and celebrated all his birthdays, graduated, got married. 

I got to see his first everything, all in just 24 hours.

After time was over my son flat lined and was taken away from me. 

Buildings started to separate like jigsaws and the earth below disappeared into nothing. I was balancing on buildings as they fell apart trying not to loose my footing.

I  started floating down.

Then i was in the middle of a field, wearing a white dress, crouched and sobbing, surrounded by nothing. 

Suddenly I was approached by a girl in a long white silk gown. She walked as if she was floating and had no face but she whispered in my ear. I followed her.

The girl took me to my childhood home. 

The outside was surrounded by golden grass which swayed softly in the warm breeze.

Outside the house, all my pets, that had deceased, were happily playing, gracefully bouncing.

The girl whispered to me and pointed to my house to go inside.

As I opened the door, I entered the living room and there was an old lady in a rocking chair cradling a baby.

She was humming and rocking back and forth.

I walked towards her and held out my arms.

The old lady passed me my baby and told me that he was safe and was no longer in pain and she will take good care of him.

I cradled my baby boy and told him I loved him. 

I handed back to the old lady and thanked her for looking after my boy. 

As I left the house the girl in white whispered to me once more. She told me that this was it, that I had to let him go  and that he is looked after but I cannot come here till its my time so was time for me to go. 

She raised her hand and placed it on my cheek and then everything went white"

Back in 2011 I lost my 2nd child when I was 36 weeks pregnant.

I never got answers, back then, as to why he died but I blamed myself for not counting his movements and for not knowing that my baby was suffering but also for not eating properly.
The pregnancy was tough and I had developed severe sickness through the pregnancy.
Because I was 22 stone at the time I was terrified of getting any bigger so I started starving myself whilst I was pregnant.
I ate enough to feed my baby the nutrients he needed and lost 3st.

The doctors had told me that his death was nothing to do with me starving myself because he was a healthy birthweight and the post mortem and blood test didn't show any signs of malnutrition.
I couldn't stop blaming myself though, for been so stupid.

I went into turmoil for weeks, messaging the doctors, asking why they hadn't listened previous weeks when I told them I'd had a tiny bleed.
They refused to scan me and if they had they would see that my baby's cord was wrapped around his neck in a 'true knot'

I started going in and out of hospital, after my loss, thinking I was dying but a massive part of me wanted to die.
My world was falling apart and I went to sleep pleading for answers and that I was sorry.

Then I had this dream.

Suddenly I felt relief.

I felt a sense of hope and smiled for the first time in months, knowing that my baby was in safe hands and no longer suffering.

I am not a religious person and never have been. I never believed in ghosts or limbo but this one dream made me wondered if their is some kind of afterlife.

I think my brain was just working itself out and my sub conscious showed me what I needed to see, what I needed to hear.

Who knows......

Gemma cheetham x

Wolfs

"I was at a party which was invaded by a wolfs, then I was on a construction site and I got scratched by a werewolf. There were diggers digging up the ground. Craig* was on the way to hospital to visit Jenny* (his wife). I sat in the middle of the construction and someone in a black hoody put there arm around me and gave me a hug. We sat there for ages till they pulled out a needle to tranqualisr me. I managed to escape and started running at super speed which turned into flying at super speed. I started to land in a fielded area with rainbows and clouds an the path was above my head rather than on the floor. The people who surrounded me were heading somewhere so I followed them. I saw the others had caught up so we ran into a crowd. I started scratching random people to turn them into wolfs. This man started shooting people in the crowd humming and counting so I grabbed his gun bent it back and stupidly scratched him. I started carrying people to safty. As I looked back he was transforming into a massive alpha wolf. My pack all started to fly to safety and as we got back to land I noticed a bug eating my hand. I ripped it off to uncover a hole and I could see inside my hand. There looked like a spider or something with eyes was in there so I take my other hand and start to try digging it out, I was screaming my head off. Then I saw everyone screaming. Huge claws were beginning to come out of there hands and I looked at mine but they were not developing as quickly as the others although I could feel them trying to come out. The ground crumbled and I fell into the abyss below and then I awoke."

* NAME CHANGES

Ok so as you can see I watch too much tv 😄
But I think on this particular day of the dream I had been told off or in an argument and felt like I was been attacked.
This was portrayed by the violence and wanting to escape the situation.
The hug from the figure was me just needing comfort.
Hugs are a cure for everything, even science studies show a hug can lift your mood. 🤗

The fact that the nobhead tried to tranqualise me after comforting me makes me think that I was feeling attacked or betrayed by the ones closest to me or someone I care for.
Could have been multiple people, which is why I never saw the face of the hooded person.

Wolves in dreams can represent all that is wild and “uncivilised” about ourselves. This can be a scary thing to confront.  What is wild is what our polite and safe day-to-day behaviour does not want to let out – what is wild can damage, hurt and upset.  But what is wild can also free, excite and release.  Wild can  be untamed and bad mannered, but wild can also be pure and uncorrupted.  Sometimes a wolf in a dream will be guiding us to find our true, authentic nature that we are afraid to reveal as we try to conform, but sometimes a wolf dream will be a warning that we are behaving too wildly, that we may be threatening something else that is important to us.

Ice-skating

*Please Note* dreams will be in italic text and names of people in my dreams have changed so that who I was dreaming about is confidential. Oh and a polite warning, please don't try and copy my dreams for your own.
Get your own dreams!!

"I'm 7 and ice skating on a frozen lake in front my crush. He is stood in the middle of the lake but isn't moving. As I skate upto him he suddenly drops through the ice and the Lake freezes over him.
I bang on the ice to free him but it was no use. He couldn't hear me."

Ok so even though my journals were destroyed, this was my first real memory of my dream as a child.
I wasn't a popular kid in primary school. I was one of those quiet fat kids that all the other kids were scared of incase I ate them.

I remember a lad there that was everyone's boyfriends (well everyone's except myself pfffffft) and this was him, in my dream.

I didn't no it then but after experiencing the same type of dream (Ice-skating) as i got older, I realised for me that ice skating in my dream was a sign of happiness.
In this particular dream though I think that even though I felt happy, gracefully skating around, I was wishing he would notice me and be my friend.
I think him falling into the lake was just wishful thinking for me because if he wasn't mine he wasn't anybodys 👿.

So their you have it. My 7 year old self and her graceful ice skating dream of trapping her crush in a frozen lake......🤗

For now

Gemma cheetham x

Basically a DrEaM journal 🖒

For most of my life I've lived some of the best and worst adventures in my dreams.

When I was younger I started to keep a diary of my dreams and as I grew older I started realising that, through the rough times my dreams were VERY vivid.
I'd often wake sweating, screaming, shouting and sometimes even sleepwalking.

Sadly a lot of my dream journals were lost after I moved into my own home and when I had my 1st born, back in 2009, I forgot what sleep was.
My days of keeping a dream log dwindled until my life spiralled out of control again.

I will not bore you all with my past.
Today is a fresh start.
A fresh dream journal.
At the end of the dream I will try my best to analyse it so if you yourself have a similar dream (which I doubt very much that your mind is as messed up as mine) then maybe I can help you figure out what your dream means and find you an escape.

Hence my blog name Dreamscape

Please don't call the loony bin too soon. I'm not as psychotic as some of my dreams may make me seem.

Much love

Gemma cheetham x